MOVIESPUNK

12 October 2012 So this week we have Bradley Cooper with dreads, a naked Kristen Stewart and an...

Fri, 12 Oct 2012 15:20:00 +0100

12 October 2012

So this week we have Bradley Cooper with dreads, a naked Kristen Stewart and an insight into Paul Dano’s deepest carnal desires, while the most star-studded film is a documentary about an ex-homeless guy in New York. As always, click the images to open the trailers in another window.

Here Paul Dano writes about a girl only for said girl to suddenly appear in the flesh. Obviously he makes her the ultimate manicpixiedreamgirl and they inevitably end up in arcades, sitting outside cafes, goofing around at the beach and other indie-boy fascinations, but the biggest issue facing the movie is, with Dano able to create her and their relationship using his ideal ideals, where can any conflict come from to make this at all interesting beyond the opening act.

This is the second of three animated Halloween films that are being released way too early for Halloween. Obviously having three in the market on the same weekend would be daft, but no more daft than having three animated Halloween movies released in the same year. This one has Adam Sandler and Kevin James in lead roles so, despite my total ambivalence towards Paranorman, this has to be the shittest. A British remake of Nicolas Winding Refn’s Danish debut feature that spawned a trilogy for the director of Drive, this film has Refn executive-producing alongside two of the producers who worked with him on Bronson. It is this combination that appears to be the selling point that the studio are trying to work with, and Refn has appeared for Q&As for this version. Unfortunately I have the original trilogy on my shelf but am yet to watch so I can’t really shed any light on this beyond the trailer.

Radioman is a previously homeless guy who has not only become a famous New Yorker, but is one of the most famous extras in the world. It is this aspect that the film is sold on with talking heads from George Clooney, Meryll Streep, Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks, Ron Howard, Matt Damon, Jude Law and many more as they all discuss their interactions and opinions on the guy. I was lucky enough to be in Radioman’s company briefly earlier this week and he seems genuinely excited about this film and life in general, and I am hoping to catch this on extremely limited release. Check the film’s website for more information. This film has flick-past-on-netflix written all over it. Dax Shepherd is dating Kristen Bell (yeahiknowthatmakesnofuckingsense) when Bradley Cooper turns up with dreadlocks and unveils the true past of Shepherd much to the initial distress of Bell. This looks so pointless that not only I am surprised it got made, but I need to see it to understand why it did.

This is one of three book adaptations intended for this winter that seemed unadaptable (Cloud Atlas and The Great Gatsby being the others). A book that revels more in longing and the pleasure that longing brings for possibilities and open-endedness, than it does plot or a successful narrative, I’m not entirely sure why they feel this is ripe for a big screen adaptation. However, Walter Salles managed to make The Motorcycle Diaries into something that enthralled me and so I am hoping he has managed to do the same here.

My Pick: On The Road

Hit us up on twitter

‘10 THINGS…’ IN NOT QUITE BEING PERFECT SHOCKER This guy, old enough to see early...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:21:38 +0100

‘10 THINGS…’ IN NOT QUITE BEING PERFECT SHOCKER

This guy, old enough to see early Black Flag shows or be DJ Qualls’s dad, is the one blemish on an otherwise perfect movie:

What a wanker.

5 October 2012 This week we get a film written, directed and starring Ted from How I Met Your...

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:44:00 +0100

5 October 2012

This week we get a film written, directed and starring Ted from How I Met Your Mother, one from the producers of Paranormal Activity, a film from Transformer sound-a-like Olivier Megaton, and a novelist who was given the job of adapting his own book for screen and then directing it too.

As the only film on this list that I have already seen, I can honestly say that Taken 2 is less a sequel to Taken and more all of the potential storylines for the Taken franchise squished into one narrative that is unbelievable in a way sadly unfun way. Neeson and Janssen also get in on the kidnapping act this time round and the film flips and flops as they all get their chances to be taken and then escape with some of them getting more opportunities to play the victims than others. It is not that this film is awful, it’s merely that no one involved seemed to care about making it at all interesting or exploring anything that could be interesting. Drink before and during to enjoy.

Josh Radnor seems to be the new Zach Braff just less likeable and unwilling to just give us one movie and fuck off. His 2010 debut Happythankyoumoreplease won the stupidest name for a film of the year but also a lot of critics’s hearts. Not mine though. It seemed like the worst kind of wish-fulfillment and this doesn’t seem much better. However, this one has Richard Jenkins and Elizabeth Olsen in it so it has my money.

This looks genuinely creepy. Just watch the trailer. I am looking for a willing person to come watch this with me. Apply in the comments. Must live in London. FYI, I’m a jumpy bastard.

This trailer makes me want to kill everyone. So fucking cliched and, as I have previously mentioned, I am pretty sure that these are the kids that I would have hated in school for shouting so loudly against their own self-made adversity. However, the reviews have been strong and the book is supposed to be great. I will inevitably give it a poke.

My pick: Liberal Arts

Hit us up on twitter

LOOPER ATTEMPTS TO ANSWER AN AGE OLD QUESTION I can’t remember any other film ever...

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 08:32:00 +0100

LOOPER ATTEMPTS TO ANSWER AN AGE OLD QUESTION

I can’t remember any other film ever attempting to answer this question and yet it was definitely one asked fairly often on the playground from year six on-wards. It’s not quite as exciting as ‘would you kiss Miss Snaggletooth in an assembly for £100?’, but it is certainly a big one.

In case you haven’t seen the film and want to go in without any form of it being ruined, here are a few gifs of JGL’s recent striptease to show his love of Magic Mike with the question below:

The question: If you could go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby, would you?

Well, would you?Would you? Seriously? Fine, I don’t care anyway, I’ll just go see Looper again and find out how Bruce and Joseph answer.

BEST SIX SECONDS IN THE MIGHTY DUCKS TRILOGY Hit us up on twitter

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:28:00 +0100

BEST SIX SECONDS IN THE MIGHTY DUCKS TRILOGY

Hit us up on twitter

MIGHTY DUCKS DVD TITLES CATASTROPHE This post will contain some spoilers for the first Mighty...

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:03:59 +0100

MIGHTY DUCKS DVD TITLES CATASTROPHE

This post will contain some spoilers for the first Mighty Ducks movie. However, if you have ever bought the DVDs, then I am not going to spoil it more than they do.

This is the DVD case for the second Mighty Ducks movie:

As you can see, the title simply reads, The Mighty Ducks.

Here is the case for the first movie:

The title for this movie is the rather uncatchy, The Mighty Ducks Are The Champions.

Anyone who has seen the trilogy (I know that everyone has) knows that the first film starts with a bunch of loser kids who end up being coached by an arrogant arsewipe of a lawyer who was once a great hockey prospect. The kids learn hockey while he learns that kids who play hockey have mums that he can sex, and along the way they inevitably win the championship. While it is obvious, they need not ruin it just to ensure that the typical sports fans in the audience don’t walk out when their team go 3-0 down in the final.

And that doesn’t even cover the daftness of dropping the D2 from the case for the second movie despite it having that title on the IMDB page and there being posters designed like this or this.

Annoying and just a warning to everyone out there so you don’t accidentally watch the first ten minutes of the second movie and have the acclaimed twist ending of the first ruined for you.

Hit us up on twitter

21 September 2012 This week we get films directed by the acclaimed Oliver Stone (Platoon, Natural...

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 11:00:35 +0100

21 September 2012

This week we get films directed by the acclaimed Oliver Stone (Platoon, Natural Born Killers) and Andrew Dominik (Chopper, Assassination of Jesse James…) as well as one by the writer of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Can’t win them all but there will be worst weeks, that I can reluctantly promise you. Click the images to link to the trailers.

Dakota Fanning has terminal cancer as a plot device for her to live life to the fullest whilst also adding additional pathos to every moment for stereotypical women to well up to everywhere. I am happy that she found the time to do a course in ‘Quirky Indie Movie Writing’ though.

Jennifer Lawrence stars in a horror flick that completed filming in 2010 and has sat in post-production ever since waiting silently to pounce on her first sign of success and make people question why she followed up Hunger Games with this generic toss. I’ll probably still give it a poke.

A good old British period romp, this movie uses the common practice of the time in doctors providing women with orgasms as a way of dealing with a range of symptoms lumped together and called ‘female hysteria’. This has that same, naughty-but-not-really-at-all feel of the Full Monty but with additional costumes to make it even more ‘British’.

Now this is where I get excited. The director that brought us The Assasination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford brings us a film that cuts seven words from it’s title and sixty-three minutes from it’s run time and yet maintains just as many star actors and award buzz as his US debut. The trailer reminds me a little of Killer Joe and I’m expecting far less weirdness but just as much awesome.

It’s been some year for Taylor Kitsch and people have already written off the guy, especially in the UK where fewer people ever saw his drunken, arse-turned-white-knight performance as Riggins in Friday Night Lights. However, when you consider that he had three films this year and they allowed him to work with Pixar golden boy Andrew Stanton, Friday Night Lights creator Peter Berg and, with this week’s Savages, the legendary Oliver Stone, you can understand why he might have trusted these projects (even if one was Battleship!). This movie, unlike the others, may allow him to put in a performance and, at worst, slip under the radar without heaping more shit on him, but reviews have been the epitome of mixed (50% exactly on RT currently). I will never not love the guy though and Blake Lively is nice to look at.

Untouchable is the biggest grossing French film ever. While The Artist silently swept the world’s film awards into a sack and made off with them last year, Untouchable has already made $230m more than that film did in it’s entire run without even being released in every market yet. I was lucky enough to see the movie a couple of weeks back and it’s a touching but obvious story of a wealthy quadriplegic who hires an unemployed ex-convict as his full-time carer and the way that their differences help change one another’s lives for the better. A story for the whole family (as long as the kids are unlikely to question recreational drug use, exotic masseuses and can read the subtitles of course).

My Pick: Killing Them Softly

Hit us up on twitter

WHO THOUGHT THAT PARANORMAN MADE BRAVE SEEM INTERESTING? Verdict: Spunk DAN Hit us up on...

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:00:00 +0100

WHO THOUGHT THAT PARANORMAN MADE BRAVE SEEM INTERESTING?

Verdict: Spunk

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

HOW EXCITING IS THE ABOVE STILL FROM A FILM THAT YOU’RE YET TO SEE? You know when your...

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 12:30:33 +0100

HOW EXCITING IS THE ABOVE STILL FROM A FILM THAT YOU’RE YET TO SEE?

You know when your friend comes back from travelling and shows you the couple thousand photos that they took of the couple dozen countries they visited and, while they all appear quite terrifically exotic and whatnot, it’s just your mate wearing a funny mask outside a cathedral or eating a strange sandwich sat next to a woman with a beard? The novelty wears off within seconds.

Well, replace your friend with an actor and pretend that the person taking the photo hadn’t been drunk for a month and you have the seemingly weekly shots from upcoming films that are sent out to film blogs the world over to raise awareness or ‘buzz’ for these projects.

Interested in the ones that prompted this post? Well here they are, published last Friday on slashfilm.com:

So what have we learned? Kenneth Branagh will not enjoy his next Vodafone bill, Tom Cruise will never be current again regardless of the colour of his leather jacket, Ben Affleck’s biceps aren’t up to much, Elijah Wood got pretty dressed up for his high school recital, Americans really do take Halloween too seriously, Russell Crowe and Catherine Zeta-Jones are in a film together that I will never see because they are both in it, Mark Wahlberg seems pretty pissed to be in said film with Crowe and CT-J, while he should have sorted out the bodywork of his car before he fitted it with hydraulics.

Basically they are boring images that mean squat and don’t even have the good grace to be funny or stupid. Can film blogs please stop posting them so that I don’t have to keep scrolling past them and wasting the nano-seconds I spend doing this. Thanks.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

TVSpunk | The Newsroom Currently airing on Sky Atlantic every Tuesday This episode is the best...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 14:19:30 +0100

TVSpunk | The Newsroom

Currently airing on Sky Atlantic every Tuesday

This episode is the best so far. Sure there are no rousing speeches attacking the establishment, no moments of triumph over other news broadcasters, or Coldplay songs swelling over moments of unity, but instead we get drama. I realise that the items listed above have given the show great drama over the previous four episodes, but I mean drama without commentary on or disdain for society, business or the way news is reported. This episode, while still obviously dealing with the news, does it’s best to separate the two and, even in moments when the drama stems from the ‘current affairs’ shown in the show, they are dealt with on a human level.

The news covered this week is predominantly the Egyptian uprising that led to the resignation of President Hosni Mubarak, with a protest in Wisconsin against the planned Governor’s budget being balanced at the expense of teachers being juggled alongside. While this feeds into the story, it is only really when Neal recruits Amen, a young Egyptian guy who has been reporting on the action independently, that the news has a profound effect on the drama within the episode. Instead, it is very balanced between the board meddling with both Will and Mac through their gossip columns, breakfast shows and wherever else they can get to them, it being Valentines Day and Maggie trying her best to make Jim take Lisa out so that she can enjoy a night with Don, and Mac dealing with her current relationship alongside her potential unfinished feelings for Will.

Dev Patel, after weeks of either being the idiot who believes in Bigfoot or the token Asian guy who is good with computers, gets his moment and it is probably the greatest character moment of the entire series. And this is what this show should be like, the news is there and bleeds into the show but it is primarily a drama with no blatant aspirations for telling the world how things should be done. Yes, the news industry is not always the most reliable or honest but, after four episodes of The Newsroom telling us that, it is nice that it has remembered that we are not looking to watch the news. And for that, we leave entertained.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

WANK OR WATCH | Love & Other Drugs It is incredibly rare that the lead actress goes topless...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 12:18:24 +0100

WANK OR WATCH | Love & Other Drugs

It is incredibly rare that the lead actress goes topless in a romantic comedy. Unless you’re Charlize Theron or another serial boob-barer, ladies tend to keep their breasts in their shirt until they are in a role that people respect so that, by extension, they will be respected for getting naked. So, while Hathaway hasn’t been one to shy away from a topless scene, what possessed her to get naked repeatedly in Love & Other Drugs?

While this is a film about a guy falling for a girl, there is far more unexpected drama in this movie than most. Jamie (Gyllenhaal) is a drup rep who, while shadowing a doctor, meets Maggie (Hathaway) who has been diagnosed with an early on-set of Parkinson’s. This is not What Happens in Vegas! It is a peculiar piece and one that encouraged me to check out the trailer because how do you sell this movie to the masses? Ultimately, they opted to include scenes from almost every sequence that doesn’t involve her condition and then two that do, all the while never actually mentioning what she has. Reason why? Parkinson’s is not a good time.

As it is, Anne Hathaway delivers a strong, compelling performance that, while not Oscar-worthy, exceeds what would be expected in a movie of this sort. Did she need to get naked? I personally do not think so, but having as much sex in the movie without nudity might have been a little strange. Her nudity offers nothing to further the plot or emphasise anything at all with regard to her condition. Sadly, this feels a little bit like a TV special with a bigger budget and better acting, but a TV special nonetheless.

My Verdict: Wank

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

27 July 2012 The Lorax Another Dr Seuss adaptation that, while maybe no worse than Despicable...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 10:56:36 +0100

27 July 2012

The Lorax

Another Dr Seuss adaptation that, while maybe no worse than Despicable Me and other shit like that, is way below what should be expected from a Dr Seuss book. Here we have Zac Efron voicing a kid who has been brought up in a Truman Show town where nature no longer exists who, in an attempt to impress a girl, finds a way out and discovers the natural world and the reason for it’s extinction. It looks shit and even the middling reviews and Danny DeVito voicing the Lorax cannot encourage me to give it a go.

Searching For Sugarman

A documentary following two South African guys who try to find the truth behind Rodriguez, a highly talented musician who achieved nothing in America, became a superstar in South Africa and then disappeared entirely. Obviously the trailer will only give you an idea of the subject, but reviews have been very impressive for it and there’s an Almost Famous vibe to it from the trailer.

The Man Inside

This looks like a typical housing estate gang film mixed with The Hurricane, and for that reason I am willing to give it a go. Almost every single London film is this same hard knock life crap and I got sick of it years ago, but every now and then one is worthy of my attention. With Peter Mullan starring, this might be it.

My Pick: Searching for Sugarman

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

WANK OR WATCH | Brokeback Mountain The second film in 2005 in which Anne Hathaway agreed to go...

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 13:55:00 +0100

WANK OR WATCH | Brokeback Mountain

The second film in 2005 in which Anne Hathaway agreed to go topless is a very different proposition to the first, Havoc. Released a few months after, Brokeback Mountain had a highly and widely regarded director in Ang Lee, two leads who had just started to reach their potential in Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, a main character from a recently ended, internationally loved teen drama in Michelle Williams, and a pre-packaged marketing angle of ‘the forbidden love between two cowboys’. Hathaway is no longer the main character, but instead gets the opportunity to work in a movie that will get a wide cinematic release while also attracting the attention of the Academy and casting agents. Regardless of her performance (as long as it’s piss poor of course) this is a statement of intent for her, a declaration of the direction she wants her career to go in.

I remember, despite being twenty-one at the time, having to take a fair bit of banter-based stick from even my normally liberal friends for saying that I not only saw this in the cinema, but that I liked it. On this, my first viewing since, I would say it resonates even more. It is a little cheesy in the beginning, and there are moments that seem unrealistic to me (the moment downstairs when Jack (Gyllenhaal) first comes to visit Ennis (Ledger) seems passionate but unlikely in the circumstances), but this is all just setting up a gut-wrenching final forty minutes where Ledger really takes the movie by storm. Even beyond the story, this is a truly beautiful film and some of the photography is just insane. Seven years after seeing it I still remember the scene where Ledger confronts the two tossers at the firework display and it is shot from his feet looking up as fireworks explode in the sky behind him. On second watch, that shot slayed me even more.

Was this movie worth Hathaway getting topless for? While she plays fourth string, her performance on the phone towards the end of the movie was worth her agreeing to get topless for alone, even if her character was never quite fully realised. I love this movie and will be sure not to wait another seven years before returning to it. And, as a final thought, for those fellas who still rib their male friends for watching this, you never see a dick in focus and yet do see both Hathaway and Williams topless.

My verdict: Watch

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

MUMBLESPUNK STREAMER | The Pleasure of Being Robbed Currently available via Lovefilm This is one...

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 11:04:00 +0100

MUMBLESPUNK STREAMER | The Pleasure of Being Robbed

Currently available via Lovefilm

This is one of those movies that you watch and instantly have to check the internet to see if other people hated it as much as you did. Within minutes I realised that I was not alone in thinking that this is an utter waste of your time with no redeeming elements and, when it comes in at under seventy minutes, that is some achievement.

Whether it be the kleptomaniac protagonist who is an opportunist in her stealing and so ends up with very little of interest, the way that she and her friends are painted in such individualistic fashion with her ‘playing table tennis when she is shit at table tennis’ and her friend ‘having his duvet suspended above his bed by a pulley for no reason at all’, the narrative that relies on the random theft moving it forward, which unsurprisingly, doesn’t work, or the dialogue being uninteresting, stunted pointlessness, this film seems to be the work of someone with absolutely fuck all to say. In fact, I’d argue that someone who relentlessly films a family holiday to Orlando could cut their footage into something more enjoyable to a wide audience.

When you then add in the irrelevant, dreamlike ending, the learning to drive in a matter of seconds, and cops who, amongst other irresponsible shit, leave their car doors open in the street when investigating something, this becomes a film that illuminates one of the major issues with the mumblecore movement. If anyone can get hold of a camera and make a film then ambitionless, talentless, worthless crap like this can get made and that is a real shame. Do not watch unless you have seen every other film out there.

My Verdict: Streamehhhhhhhhhhh

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

TVMUMBLESpunk | Girls Coming to Sky Atlantic in September Spoilers included Approaching the...

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 16:43:00 +0100

TVMUMBLESpunk | Girls

Coming to Sky Atlantic in September

Spoilers included

Approaching the mid-point of the season, this episode amps up the drama as all four of our females have shit hit their respective fans. Of course, in keeping with Girls, the drama is not overly sensational instead revelling in a slightly unlikely but utterly plausible fashion. It was necessary for this to occur as, while the last episode was still entertaining, there was a lack of progression in the narrative.

Hannah gets a new job, gets massaged/touched up by her much older boss, dumps Adam over a cock-text that he sent her by mistake and then, when he seems responsive to her issues, ends up back in his arms. Jessa loses the two children she is babysitting in the park, while Shoshanna almost manages to lose her virginity until she frightens the guy off with her virginity. The biggest poop though is when Charlie and Ray are alone in the flat, find Hannah’s diary, then perform a show in front of the four girls where Charlie sings a song called ‘Hannah’s Diary’ quoting extracts about how unhappy Marnie is with him.

Aside from all of this drama, I found more interest in the episode elsewhere.

Firstly we get a bunch of side characters that we are unlikely to encounter too often that not only combat the lack of racial diversity that some people had with the show, but also add some freshness. Sometimes it works as in the case of the two colleagues that Hannah befriends who, while cartoony, add a few laughs and a different kind of voice to the pretty similar one that the leads share, but then the nannies that Jessa meets with in the park culminates in a hideously unrealistic scene where she tries to create a nannies union. Regardless, it is nice to see some new faces that you’re not expected to remember.

Secondly, we get to see more from male characters including the first occasion in the series where we get two guys interacting without a female present (correct me if I’m wrong in the comments). Ray and Charlie act exactly as blokes would do when alone in a girl’s apartment and their humour is definitely tailored to suit their gender. The same can be said of the advice given at the beginning of the episode, where you get to see the far simpler suggestion from Charlie and this again proves that the show is definitely capable of writing for guys. Hannah’s boss meanwhile adds a very interesting and real dilemma to the show where his version of sexual harassment seems innocent but isn’t quite. Finally the throwaway moment as Jessa walks away from Jeff, the father that she babysits for, and his brother and they remark on her looks. Sure it’s somewhat sexist but it is realistic and works well alongside the moment earlier in the show when Charlie remarks on Adam’s cock from the photo.

This might be my favourite episode so far, not because of the drama, comedy or anything at all like that, but more because it feels more rounded. This is the first episode that seems to be adapting to the idea of longevity and what is required to keep people entertained over the distance, and it certainly worked on me.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

TVMUMBLESpunk | Girls Coming to Sky Atlantic in September It is here, as the credits started to...

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:56:00 +0100

TVMUMBLESpunk | Girls

Coming to Sky Atlantic in September

It is here, as the credits started to roll on the third episode, that I realised Girls is exactly the show that I had hoped that it would be. The attitude, the honesty, the sexuality and the everyday are represented so perfectly here that it made me ask my girlfriend as to whether she agreed with my conclusion. The idea that this show feels unique just because it seems to not paint an idea of femininity but instead just shows us normal girls being normal is somewhat depressing, but I couldn’t be happier that it exists. I feel like my appreciation for the show comes from a line in the second episode where Jessa says, in response to a self-help book for women, ‘I don’t like women telling other women what to do or how to do it or when to do it.’

In this episode Hannah first learns that she has an STD and then, when trying to inform him of this, finds out that her ex-boyfriend is now gay. It is strange as we do not find out very much about Hannah in this episode that we didn’t already know. Instead this feels more like Marnie’s episode as she is first seen complaining about Charlie shaving his head despite stating in the last episode that she wanted him to just be a man and do whatever he wants without worrying about her response and then later finds herself pleasuring herself in the bathroom of a gallery after a potential sexual moment with an artist. Elsewhere, Jessa takes a job being a nanny and seems to strike up a relationship with the dad.

As an episode it culminates with a wonderfully charming moment with Hannah pondering and redrafting a tweet to best sum up her journey over the episode and then dancing alone in her room before being joined by Marnie. This just seems such a natural way to react to the way their days have gone and once again my girlfriend sat and chuckled recognising herself in that moment. I really appreciate that.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

REVIEW | The Dark Knight Rises This is not Spiderman 3. It is not Iron Man 2. But this is also...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 12:39:00 +0100

REVIEW | The Dark Knight Rises

This is not Spiderman 3. It is not Iron Man 2. But this is also not very good.

The final chapter of Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is beautifully shot, with the cinematography and direction being superb throughout. The acting is excellent from those who have been with the trilogy throughout and even better from Hardy as Bane, JGL as the new Gary Oldman/spoiler and, best of all, Hathaway as Catwoman. These three, along with Bale, earn their moments of levity in this flick and they do so with aplomb. The major set pieces are just stunning, whether understated in the sense of the final scene involving the bomb or even the shots shown in the trailer of the bridges in the distance, or balls out crazy like that of the football stadium, they are created with the same level of detail and care.

Unfortunately everything else isn’t. There are far too many plot-holes in this movie to simply wave them off as being par for the course with a blockbuster (see another person’s excellent but spoilerific run through here for proof) but while I was sitting there in the cinema aghast at these utterly fucking bonkers moments, there are more fundamental problems. There is not a simple, central narrative to the story like those of the first films, making the entire middle section a mess. The editing is poor, even from the start where we are first introduced to Commissioner Gordon talking about Harvey Dent for a matter of seconds before cutting to Bane In A Plane for the entirety of that sequence before jumping back to Gordon talking about Dent making that initial moment entirely unnecessary. A daft nitpick but from that moment I knew that we were in for a bumpy ride. The now obligatory car chase is dumb as hell and serves absolutely no purpose. Bane is big but he is nowhere near as frightening as Joker.

This culminates in a film that, even if you were not acknowledging it as the final chapter of the series, has bigger stakes than the previous two and yet I felt nothing. No concern, no emotional tugs and no interest. It seems as though Nolan had a great many ideas for the film and, when the movie came in at over four hours, decided against cutting chunks to make it more linear and opted instead to trim, rendering the entire movie undeveloped. This not only makes it a disappointing end to the trilogy but a bad movie when considered as a stand-alone.

Verdict: Spunk

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

WANK OR WATCH | Havoc Anne Hathaway was almost twenty-two when her second appearance as Mia...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 11:27:00 +0100

WANK OR WATCH | Havoc

Anne Hathaway was almost twenty-two when her second appearance as Mia Thermopolis in the Princcess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement hit UK screens. Now, while she was playing a twenty-one year-old in that film, it was obviously a children’s movie. Her only other major cinematic roles at that point had been Ella Enchanted and the first Princess Diary film and that was all I knew her for despite having seen Nicholas Nickleby in which she also appears. I had written her off, assuming that she would suckle on the Disney teat until she disappeared into obscurity and I would only ever see her face in supermarket bargain bins years later.

And then, one year later, she played the topless card twice and suddenly the world took her seriously as an adult. The first of these came in Havoc, a film centering on a gang of white upper-middle class teenagers who adopt a faux-gangsta lifestyle seemingly due to feeling unconnected to their families and heavily influenced by the music that they listen to. This film could and probably should have been amazing. Not only does the cast-list include two youngsters who have become legitimate stars in Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Channing Tatum in addition to Hathaway, the supporting cast have some excellent credits to their names and this was also written by Stephen Gaghan who won an Oscar for Traffic and was the first fictional film from Barbara Kopple who has two Best Documentary Oscars to her name. It is this team behind the scenes that disappoints me most, as Gaghan has shown that he can write gritty and Kopple has worked exclusively with reality previously. Unfortunately, neither of these things show.

What we end up with is a bunch of white kids embarrassingly talking like rappers, the guys being too dumb to notice the distinction between fighting other faux-gangs and fighting actual gangs, and girls being taught an archaic lesson about interacting with bad boys. The whole thing, on almost every level, feels cringe-inducing and, while Hathaway shows in her vulnerable moments that she was ready to make that transition into more mature roles, Gordon-Levitt’s incessant Snoop Dogg impression is reason enough to skip this.

This is an uncomfortable watch and not for praise-worthy reasons.

Verdict: Wank

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

5 WAYS THAT KATIE HOLMES IS THE BAD GUY IN BATMAN BEGINS I like Scarecrow and Liam Neeson is...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 10:38:00 +0100

5 WAYS THAT KATIE HOLMES IS THE BAD GUY IN BATMAN BEGINS

I like Scarecrow and Liam Neeson is pretty fucking sweet but he is just a bloke so doesn’t really count. Ultimately Batman Begins isn’t as good as The Dark Knight because it doesn’t have the Joker. It is here, after re-watching both of them last week, that I realised the real baddie is the judgmental fun vacuum that is Katie Holmes (and no, I don’t mean Rachel Dawes because Maggie Gyllenhaal isn’t a wet blanket twat).

So here are my five reasons why she is the greatest adversary of Batman in his first outing:

5.

Here we get Bruce advising Katie that her system is broken, her getting pissy about it and then detailing exactly why Bruce is right. Typical.

4.

So Katie gives Bruce a shit arrowhead thing in a box with a card stating ‘finders keepers’ which, in itself, means that he has to give the present back to her. This means one of two things, either she is gloating about something that Bruce wouldn’t give a shit about or else she is giving him a present for herself like Homer and his bowling ball in The Simpsons. Either way, low blow.

3.

Here Katie kisses Bruce giving him hope of finally having her love, then she tells him that she’s not impressed by Batman and he isn’t fighting crime enough for her when just Bruce. Apparently working in law enforcement is the only occupation that she can find attractive and even then Batman, the masked crusader who has just saved the entire city from destruction, served her up the same crimelord that she complained about in point 5, and saved her life, is not enough to earn her acceptance. She is definitely not worth the bother.

2.

After she bumps into Bruce after thinking he had been dead for seven years, she instantly assumes that he is a waste of space based purely on him leaving a restaurant drenched in water with two hot European chicks. For all she knows he might have donated half his fortune to a children’s home, invented a cure for cancer and saved a cat from a tree prior to having a nice relaxed dinner with a couple of investors who happened to be attractive.

1.

Okay, so I paraphrased a little but only Katie could reduce the most frightening and prominent bad guy in the movie to a joke with a single shot of a taser.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter

20 July 2012 The Dark Knight Rises Final chapter in the Dark Knight trilogy and the best comic...

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 11:08:57 +0100

20 July 2012

The Dark Knight Rises

Final chapter in the Dark Knight trilogy and the best comic book adaptation series of all time. New actors involved include Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Juno Temple and Matthew Modine, which, in itself, is a good enough cast without the others. I couldn’t care less for reviews with this movie, I will be seeing it as early as I can today.

Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap

An exploration of rap in it’s entirety seemingly, early reviews seem to suggest that the content is great even if the structure is weak. Any rap fan will want to see almost all of the greatest living rappers from all generations discussing their techniques, experiences and thoughts on the art-form. I know I do.

I Am Bruce Lee

A study of Bruce Lee, his life and his place in history. Gotten some fine reviews and interestingly features basketball legend Kobe Bryant amongst it’s contributors, this seems to be a movie that Bruce Lee fans will definitely want to see.

Lola Versus

Lola is dumped by her fiance three weeks before their marriage and attempts to find her place in the world once again. Poor reviews and a trailer that suggests that these reviews might be deserved, the only reason to see this is the always delightful Greta Gerwig. I will be attempting to see it but will not be disappointed if I can’t.

*My Pick: Unsurprisingly, The Dark Knight Rises.

DAN

Hit us up on twitter